It's Done!!!

I feel so tired... I suppose I'm really fucking glad it's over. The book is done for another year. Another year of reflecting on all the amazing things we've done. It was truly a productive year. It's also interesting to see how my style evolves over all the books I've done. Sometimes I can't believe how quickly 8 years has passed there. I have grown. I feel like a different person than I was when I started. Is that a good thing? I don't know if I want to think about it. Working there has really enabled me to tie together my need to help people, be involved in some sort of activism, work with people whose minds aren't formed yet...

Some people find reinventing the wheel over and over again really boring. I see it not so much as this, but as an opportunity and challenge to create a similar thing in a completely different way. 8 times over. But it's so hard not to work at night and look at what's out there and think about how it would apply to where I work. No one really could think that I do this, but I can't help it. Everything I see I judge it for it's application to things I'm working on at work and on my own. Perhaps my analytical mind helps me in more ways than I think. I guess many of us do this at work. Spend extra time in your own life on work things.

I remember when I first was seriously pursuing design as a career. I kind of got there more quickly than I had planned. So much fucking around in my second degree that I made the choice for myself. I needed to be self sufficient and to have to answer to nobody but myself. This was my main priority and goal. No one believed in me but me. I knew everyone around me thought I would fail, and they told me so, but I knew I was into it and I could do it. It was the first time I saw how doing something which you really enjoy makes it so much easier in life. And I am thankful for this.

Don't get me wrong, I love mentoring people. But I feel I need a mentor myself. And I am not in the right place to find this. The novelty of succeeding at something people thought you wouldn't at is beginning to wear off. I want to find my next challenge. What the hell would that be? Perhaps I question things way too much. Or perhaps all the signs are going by without me noticing them...